Lies I told Myself
by ArtemisDestiny
Summary: Hawksong from Zanes pint of view random scenes Oneshot R&R please!


**I do not Own Hawksong or the characters...if only.**

**Zanes world in Hawksong**

_I remember thinking how lovely a creature she was even as a boy. I looked upon her sun tinted skin and could not find in all my anger and pain the power to harm the little avain as she slept restlessly._

_I wanted to hold her as I saw the pain and angst that played across her resting features. Maybe I am still a young rash child as Irene tells me, but I am a rash serpiente who should not feel such a need to keep this dear hawklet safe. _

_I couldn't stop myself as my hand reached out and gently tucked a few loose hairs behind her ear. Her skin was so warm; and all I could do was stare at her for what felt like hours. Her eyes fluttered open and she froze. I covered her mouth to stop the scream I knew would soon erupt from her enticing lips._

"_Please do not scream Danica, I swear I mean you no harm," recognition took over her features as she realized who I was and where I was. Alarmingly she relaxed as she put the pieces of my identity together. I wearily removed my hand from her mouth and the silence that followed was the sweetest sound I had ever heard._

"_I am sorry for your brother," this bronzed angel whispered and it was my turn to sit there in shock. "I know how it feels to lose a sibling…" her words trailed off and she seemed to slip into another place. My hand slowly made it way back to her cheek and she came back to reality._

_Danica sat up and looked me square in the eyes. "You are really here. It's not some strange nightmare again," she looked down at her words and continued the conversation with herself, "Zane Cobriana is in my bedroom…"_

"_I came here to kill you," I am not sure why these are the clever words I decided to say but my mouth spoke before my brain had a chance to think. Fear returned to her features and then bravery as her eyes narrowed and posture tensed. "I won't hurt you. I wanted to blame you. Your pretty little world as the baby princess, I wanted to stomp all over it. But… I really am a child if I was too blind to see how all this truly affects you," my words were sincere and she smiled. _

_Thump Thump my heart started racing as this demi-goddess looked at me with almost adoring eyes. The moon was rising quickly in the sky and in a flash of light I saw the tears that begged to fall from her. _

"_If you mean by all this years of pain and useless killing, if you mean bloody battlefield after bloody battlefield, if you mean watching as my people and yours fall to hate and war day after day, then yes it affects me," she said quietly as a tear drop slipped from her eye. She tried to wipe it away but I grabbed her wrist to halt the motion. I know made her feel uncomfortable as I leaned forward and gently laid a kiss upon her cheek._

_The salty taste must have poisoned my mind and hers as well because in the next moment my lips found hers. And despite all the screaming protests I heard annoyingly in the back of my mind I refused to pull away. _

_We only parted after a desperate need for air overtook both of us, and I couldn't help but chuckle at the situation. Her bewildered look only made me laugh harder. "Can you think of anything else in your entire life that you have done that was insane and unbelievable as sharing a kiss with the Prince of the serpiente," at my words she giggled. It was an endearing sound._

"_No, I suppose not. Zane, then why did you kiss me?" she asked inquisitively. Although I knew the question was reasonable I had no real answer. _

"_Because you might just be the most beautiful creature I have ever seen," was the only reply I could muster. And because of the charming and enticing blush the crept across her face I dipped my head down and captured her lips again. _

_It was a short chaste kiss and I stood and backed away quickly. "I swear it to you, Danica Shardae; I will find a way to end this war, and a way to stop your tears." With my brave words I slipped out into the night. _

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I thought back on that night often. I thought how foolish I was. I thought how young I was and how little I truly knew of death. I thought of her silky skin and shuddered as my body betrayed the rage that washed over me at the thought of…her.

And yet here I was traveling to the Mistari lands attempting to stop a war that was too old to even remember its origins. It amazed me somewhat that Avains and Serpientes had been able to survive such a long war.

I did want to end this war. I wanted peace more than anything; I needed to find peace for the frustration and anger I felt when I thought of my family lying coldly under the earth.

I was not doing this for her. I was not doing this for her. I was not doing this for her…

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"_Never ask your people to do something you do not have the courage, or the determination, to do. If you want peace, start between the two of you."_

The Disa's words had been swimming through my mind for hours. Take Danica, a hawk as my mate. There was a time that thought would have brought a foolish smile to my face.

I spent years after our encounter in her room infatuated with Danica. Before I went into the battle field. Before I took a life, but those innocent dreams died along with the raven I struck down.

Before I was truly aware of what I was doing I was in her room again as if she called to me and I had to answer. She was frightened and I won't try to pretend that I was not pleased that she feared me. She should. I was not the boy who had slipped into her room the night of Anjay's death.

Her stand offish attitude bothered me and worst of all I could not read her. Her heart rate spiked every time I moved but her eyes and demeanor told me nothing about how she felt. Was she repulsed by the Disa's suggestion? How far was she willing to go to find peace for her people?

Part of me tried provoking some kind of reaction from her. I wanted to see a bit of life in those passive eyes; like I had the night we met.

"Please, Danica, you sang to my brother of peace and hope. I can't believe that you aren't as desperate for those things as I am. Just…try. I made a promise to you once, and I mean to keep it" I finished my sentence quietly.

There it was the recognition, the pain and sadness I had seen in her eyes that night as well. I moved towards her without realizing and placed a gentle kiss to her cheek. I did not expect her to cry out. Her guards entered her room and my body tensed ready for a fight.

The way the male called Rei lightly touched her and the way he looked at her made my blood boil. As I left her room I could not restrain the need to prove in some way that she was mine. I wrapped my arm around her dainty waist as I moved passed the raven and again kissed her.

Hours later I could not tell you what had come over me, but I could not say I regretted kissing Danica, even after the Avain group left in the night. It would be easier to talk to her alone. And I knew just where to find her.

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She was asleep when I entered her room soundlessly. I had gotten rather good at sneaking into the hawks keep. Just as before she slept restlessly tossing and turning. She awoke with a start and caught me off guard.

"Please do not scream," I begged quietly. I stared her down with my cobra's eyes but astoundingly she looked away and spoke.

"What do you want?" he angered tone shocked me. The mask that hid everything from me in the Mistari lands was long forgotten here.

"I should think you would know that," I answered simply. Her attempt to calm herself failed and I could tell she was becoming flustered. She was stunning like this. Raw emotion, passion emitted from every pore. I had barely noticed she was ranting at me.

"Is there a reason I should be? I just want to sleep. I don't want to dream, because all I see then are the people I have lost…" her words sank into my very skin and I shuddered at how much I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go.

I kissed her without thought or care for the consequences. I left her with my signet ring and prayed the courage I saw from her tonight would bring her to me tomorrow. If she came to the palace I knew what I would ask her. I knew that I would do anything to stop this war and that included taking Danica Shardae as my pair bond.

I am not doing this for her. I am not doing this for her. I am not doing this for her…

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"I've reached the point where I honestly think I would slit my own wrists if I thought it would end the fighting…" she had appeared just as I was giving up hope. I was so afraid that she would not come, that despite everything I would be a king who lived his life bathed in the blood of his people.

Adelina's treatment of her would be punished. I couldn't believe she had Ailbhe search Danica. But I would deal with her later.

"With the understanding that there may never be anything between us but a shared desire for peace, and my word that I will never force upon you any duty beyond the political expectations of the position, I implore you, Danica Shardae, to agree to be my Naga," as I spoke these practiced words to her I knew what she wanted to say.

She wanted to scream no and run like the wind, but she sat in silence instead. Because I knew she would say yes. Because there was the smallest chance that this could work I knew she would say yes. But I refused to think on why the thought of her being my mate did not upset me much.

"Yes, I agree," her three little words changed everything. It was only a few days later that she returned wearing this dress that I should never have told Eleanor to make. She looked stunning and I could barely put more than a few thoughts together as we entered the synkal.

I spoke a few gallant words and cued Danica unto the dias. She was nervous I could tell, but she played her part well. She through me off when her tiny arm wrapped around my waist but I attempted to keep my composure to my people.

The night went well enough, and now we are making our way my rooms. I looked at this charming maiden who had won over my people with such grace and I felt the need to stay close to her. But only to keep her safe.

I am staying for her safety. I am staying for her safety. I am staying for her safety…

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The next couple of weeks were an odd transition. I found it unbearable to stay at the keep where everyone around me seemed like a ghost or a shell of a person. I even made the mistake of taking my aggression out on Danica.

We had grown accustomed to our game of love at the palace, but I found the longer I was near her the less I had at act like a lovesick boy and the more it became natural. I enjoyed her presence, and her opinions which surprised me.

I missed Adelina though. I missed her fire and passion. I missed her touch. When she found me alone in one of the back halls I gave in for a moment. I should have turned away from her immediately but my treacherous body once again won.

Her lips lingering over mine was a sensation that at one time made me feel alive but as pictures of Danica seeped into my mind I pushed her away. "You think the hawk would care?" Adelina's words pierced me like hot iron.

"I don't know. But she is my mate. I wish…but wishes don't stop wars," I answered calmly. I let her yell at me because what I truly wished was that I was in this dark corner with Danica and for that alone I would not turn to Adelina again. I had hurt her enough.

I returned to the market in an attempt to avoid my thoughts when she walked up to me. "My exquisite Danica," I greeted her and took her into my arms. It nearly burned me to touch her after what I had done earlier but I was good at this game now and fell easily into my roll.

We spent the day together, my hawk and I. Tasting different foods, walking amongst the merchants enjoying the calm and peace that had finally befallen our people.

They were our people now, the serpiente had accepted Danica and I could tell she enjoyed her time at the palace. It was a place she didn't have to hide who she was.

I walked her back to her door and placed a single kiss upon her lips. I wanted to push her door open and ravish her, but I kept myself in check. Astonishingly she did not pull away from me and I was not going to pass up the opportunity.

I laid gentle kiss along her neck and then her collar bone when I felt fear shake through her body. A pain I could not place ripped through me and I staggered back. I could not deny that I wanted her, but not if she was forcing herself. Never.

"If you want to make the offer someday when it means something to you…" I smiled and walked away from her. I did not want her to see the pure anguish I felt.

The next few moments happened to fast. I was walking away from Danica's room, distracted when a saw something move from the corner of my eye. I cried out as my would be attacker jumped at me with a knife.

I dodged as best I could finding the movements of the attacker to seem avain, but trained. I feared the knife he held would have poison on it and moved left just barley avoiding the knife again when Danica stepped in front of me and was struck down.

The next few days were a blur, I refused to leave her side. I needed to know she would be safe more than anything. The doctors had said she would be fine. And after several days her color returned.

Adelina claimed the attacker was a female serpiente, but I found this to be odd. I would have sworn she was a he and more importantly an avain. But my mind was else where as Danica and I prepared to leave for the keep.

I found the keep to be an interesting place. The people kept their emotions so tightly closed under a lid I was shocked that they ever had children. Danica moved about them with grace and beauty. She was respected but more importantly she was loved.

The avain people were so different from my own that I was surprised I ever noticed their subtle beauty. I still loved the freeness of my own kind, but I found in their sincerity and honor something worth appreciating.

Andreios was not only a brave leader of Danica's guard but a caring one. He genuinely cared for her and deeply. When he confronted me on my own intentions towards his beloved queen I could not feel anything but remorse.

For this man had also sacrificed his love for the sake of our peace and while I would do it a thousand times over, it seemed wrong that he too should suffer so.

When we returned to the palace a few days later I could not shake the feeling that Danica was watching me closely. When we entered the market and the dancers offered her the melos I nearly died of shock when she snatched it from my hand and danced a few steps in front of me.

Serpiente dancing was more than an art. It was a physical manifestation of love. The dancers moved as one, and stayed close. That she had wanted to learn the dances of my people made my heart race.

We spent the day dancing on and off. I could not get over the pleasantness I felt being so close to her.

I am not in love with her. I am not in love with her. I am not love with her…

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My mother was dead. My mate was dying. And I was lost in a sea of despair. I could not bear to be away from Danica even as they laid my mother, another of my loved ones into the cold ground. I brought peace and it was not enough to keep them alive.

"Zane," he voice cut through my thoughts and pulled me back to reality.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled an apology for waking her. I turned away from her not wanting to see my tears.

"You're allowed to cry. Zane, please, come here." As much as I wanted to I could not refuse her. She sat up awkwardly and then stood. The pure love and understanding I saw in her eyes killed me a little more. She placed a kiss upon both my eyeslids before finding my lips with her own.

A sigh of relief fell past me lips as I realized that I had been lying to myself all along…

I found a way to make peace with the Avains for her. I promised her peace and I did it for her. I wanted to stay by her side that first night not to protect her, but because even then I needed her. I loved her. And maybe I had since the first time I met her.

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When Rei knocked on our door the following morning I could not believe the news he brought.

"I should have known. Gods…I trusted her with your life," I said as I pulled Danica into my arms. Adelina had done been the one to kill my mother and nearly my mate. Karl a member of the royal flight had aided her, but I knew Adelina. She was the mastermind.

"I think…I love you," I looked into Danica's eyes as my confession registered. I needed her to know that no matter what happened from now on, I would keep her safe no matter what the price.

"I know she answered, and I love you too." My heart leapt for joy.

"I made a promise to you a long time ago that I would stop your tears. I sent my sister to the keep to plan peace talks so that I could keep that promise. I went against everything I ever knew to keep that promise. I traveled to the Mistari lands to keep that promise. I snuck into your room to speak to you again to keep that promise. I gave up the chance at love to keep that promise…

Because I have been lying to myself since that night. Because I love you and always will. That is my promise.

**What do you think??? Let me know PLEASE!**


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